Part 2
My new level of comfort did not go unnoticed. Many made comment on it and that positive feedback in turn pushed me on to new levels. I felt a blossoming was happening in my presentation and others seemed to agree. At “Graduation Night” where the all the ”newbies” were introduced on the stage and presented with an attractive butterfly pin, a new award was made to the first timer who was “most inspirational.” Only the newcomers voted and much to my amazement I was selected! As I walked back to the stage to accept the honour I savoured every step I made. Upon getting to the stage and again with watery eyes I accepted the award and thanked all who made my attendance at Esprit so meaningful and enjoyable. The vestigial joy of that experience remains crouched in my emotional psyche to this moment.
Afterwards I was met and hugged by so many sisters that I “sprung a leak” from all the squeezing and had to go back to my room for repairs. After stripping off my jacket, blouse, slip and bra (not for the first time I realized presenting as a woman is not easy!) I washed myself off and my clothes, redressed in my original garb and ended up in the bar at the hotel surrounded by sisters intent on extending their evening. For the first time I was in a public setting where the transgendered outnumbered the non transgendered and it felt so-o-o-o good to be the “dominant” group!
The social aspect of Esprit was very well done with banquets, bands & entertainment. Of course I also had the opportunity to meet kindred spirits and make friends and share experiences and it is in this area that I left Esprit feeling particularly good. From simple hellos to one another in the hallways to heavy duty private discussions about the joys and limitations in your femme life I found and reaffirmed that our community is filled with caring, sharing, giving people. One couple saw me in the parking lot packing up to leave and made their way to me to offer me a gift of ear rings. When I thanked them for their generosity the spouse responded, “it is not a gift, it is an act of friendship.” ‘Nuff said!
I found the friendship so genuine and so deep that on more than one occasion I was reduced to tears and Carma doesn’t cry – or at least didn’t, until Esprit. During the week I had three “GGs” come up to me and out of the blue, complement me on my presentation. Given the sources I was truly flattered. One spouse seemed to make it a point in her day to seek me out and compliment me. I was on such a natural high that I rarely imbibed any alcohol and almost always drank soda water (except for the odd glass of wine at dinner and in my room) and I had a ball! In the process I lost a few pounds to round off a “win win” situation!
The Gala offered me the opportunity to meet an “e sister” with whom I’ve been corresponding for two years. This event provided the means where two sisters who had never met became “roomies” and participated in the femme activities that women together do. We shared not only our clothes. jewelry and experiences but also our emotions and aspirations as we rattled on relentlessly, ever mindful that our time together was limited and the clock was running. I believe that a deep and enduring friendship was made possible because we had the chance to meet each other in the neutral, gender friendly venue provided by Esprit.
From the Gendreville High “Prom” to “Moulin Rouge,” onto the fashion show and Graduation of first timers, the social aspect of Esprit magnified and amplified my emotions and social contacts. I left the event saddened that it was over but heartened in the knowledge that over the week I had felt Carma ‘s femme side grow as she experienced an empowering and liberating phase of her journey.
The toothpaste is out of the tube and I do not know where my odyssey will take me but I left Esprit with a sense of completeness and fulfillment that I never before sampled. Esprit made me a much more complete person in all aspects of my life and for that I am deeply indebted and truly grateful.
Thank you, Esprit.
Carma.