by Lady Fair
Many years ago before Lady Fair was truly born, the urge and the desire to cross dress was strong. It would creep into my conscience at unexpected and inconvenient times demanding attention. I was truly in the closet fighting my masculine instincts. Even from an early age the desire had been there.My cousin’s clothes were spirited into my room at night. I would delight in the feel of them. The evening ended in violent explosion then guilt and shame would set in.
Family life and responsibilities made it impossible to be me. Dressing might be done in private behind locked doors and on the sly, most unsatisfactory. I fought my inner self and purged again and again, suffering pangs of guilt, and yet all the while longing to be me.
In 1962 I was travelling out of State. A local shopping centre was nearby so I bought panties, bra and hose. Took them back to hotel and paraded before the mirror. This was followed a walk around town, dressed in my finery. It felt so natural and peaceful to be my other self. Returning to the hotel the feeling of euphoria crashed about my head and the reality that I was a married man with a family reared its ugly head. How could I tell my SO? I was feeling very guilty and full of shame. The finery was thrown away and hopefully forgotten. I mentioned what I had done to my SO #1, but she rejected the whole idea as fanciful, idiotic, and stupid. The door of the closet was slammed shut. My inner self wept and I realized that I could never talk to my SO #1 ever again. Our marriage had been on shaky ground for some time, and finally broke down completely.
My inner self demanded attention. Tentative moves were made to placate my feminine side. Although I never openly discussed my desire with SO #2 I felt much more comfortable with her. She radiated femininity, and reveled in my gentleness, love, and compassion. She would make passing remarks like, You would look nice in a dress.” or ‘ let me curl your hair.’ The closet door was too firmly closed to appreciate these overtures. I lounged to be more feminine, but couldn’t. She passed away without ever really knowing of my other self.
Suddenly Lady Fair broke free. The closet door burst open with a bang. Seven long decades of restraint vanished over night. Such peace and serenity! No more restraints, no more guilt and shame. It was truly a rebirth. Now Lady Fair goes shopping to fill her closet with beautiful feminine things. She walks with her head held high. She smiles at people who cast strange looks in her direction. The liberation has opened up a whole new world filled with like minded people all searching for inner peace.
We cross dressers are not unique or slightly balmy. We are simply ordinary people expressing an epiphany and are reborn. We have destroyed the chains that society has forged to bind us. With rebirth and liberation comes peace and tranquility. May we all be blessed! ‘
11 January 2005