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The loneliness of a mature crossdresser

Childhood

Looking back over my life I came to realize that crossdressing has been a lifelong practice of mine and until recently something that was done behind closed doors without anyone’s knowledge and without the support of the kindred spirits we have assembled here at Esprit. From a very early age I have carried with my dressing, elements of doubt, guilt and shame. These feelings permeated my life and strong elements remain today. As a child secretly trying on Mom’s lingerie and stockings, the sense of secrecy was the strongest element in my lifelong journey of dressing. Unable to explain WHY it was so much fun but keenly aware that Mom and others would not approve meant that my dressing was incredibly sporadic, very secretive, modestly fulfilling, guilt ridden and incredibly lonely. I really needed a kindly aunt that we occasionally read about in our fiction who would let me visit her and allow and encourage me dress up. Alas that sort of thing , I believe, is true fantasy based upon wishful thinking.

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